CHAPTER 7

Nathaniel wakened slowly, reluctant to leave his warm, comforting dream. He usually slept very little after a nightmare, afraid of being sucked backed into that dark abyss of terror. This time his dreams had been good, though, all about being held and loved, warm and secure. Maybe he should have Logan stay in his room after every nightmare if this was the result, he thought drowsily.

Or in his bed. His eyes flew open as he suddenly realized that his cheek was pillowed on warm bare skin, that the tumble of blankets he had so casually tossed his leg over was actually a pair of muscular thighs and that the arms wrapped around him so securely were real.

He knew immediately what had happened. Logan hadn't been able to resist the urge to mother-hen him and had fallen asleep in the process. Once they were both asleep, they must have gravitated to the same side of the queen-sized bed and then ended up in each other's arms. All perfectly natural.

He knew he should wake the older man and send him back to his own bed but it felt so good to be held so lovingly, even if Logan didn't know he was doing it. It would be nice if he did, Nathaniel thought wistfully, but there was no future in such thoughts and he resolutely thrust them away. Sure, Logan cared about him, although he wasn't sure why. But no matter how much he cared, he wouldn't want a relationship with an ex-prostitute.

Damaged goods. That's what his mother had called it when she had gossiped with her friends about some poor girl in their church. 'She'll never get a husband now. No decent man would want damaged goods.' And if she had been permanently ruined by one sexual encounter, where did that leave him?

But even if it wasn't real and couldn't last, he could enjoy it for a few more minutes, he comforted himself. Just a few more minutes...

Logan was disoriented when he awoke a short time later. He thought at first that the weight on his chest was Hinx but the unfamiliar glow of the nightlight brought the events of the night flooding back and he realized he held a sleeping Thaniel in his arms. He lay contentedly for a few minutes, basking in the warm feeling it gave him and reluctant to move. He was tempted to go back to sleep but knew that was impossible.

Hinx was probably waiting to be fed and he needed to get up before Thaniel realized he had spent the night there. As he began to disentangle himself he realized it was too late. Thaniel had awakened. He opened his arms and allowed the young man the freedom to move away if he wanted to.

Thaniel immediately rolled onto his back and gazed at Logan warily, as if trying to gauge his mood. "I-I'm sorry," he began.

"For what?" Logan asked lightly as he turned on his side. He propped himself on one elbow so he could look down at the young man, his own gaze moving slowly from the sleep-tousled honey-blond hair to the hazel-brown eyes with their fine, straight brows slightly darker than his hair; past the high narrow cheekbones to the sultry mouth that beckoned so invitingly and on to the firm, stubborn jaw.

Nathaniel's eyes never strayed from Logan's during the inspection. Only his slightly flushed cheeks and the tongue that nervously traced his bottom lip betrayed his mood as he braced himself for whatever was to come

Logan impulsively ran his thumb across one cheek and although Thaniel's breath hitched, he didn't flinch away from the contact. Emboldened by that sign of trust, Logan lightly brushed the inviting mouth with his own and found it quiescent, not responding but not pulling away either. He drew back and looked down into the wide eyes focused on his. "All right?"

"Uh-huh," Nathaniel replied with a tremulous smile, his tongue unconsciously circling his lips.

"May I do it again?"

"Uh-huh."

Logan kissed him again, pushing lightly as the kiss deepened. After a pause Thaniel's lips parted invitingly and his tongue tentatively caressed Logan's. His mouth was hot and sweet and tasted of Thaniel and it took all of Logan's willpower to withdraw.

"All right?" he asked again as he pulled back so he could see Thaniel's face.

At the young man’s repeated assent, he moved a step further, sliding his hand under the long-sleeved t-shirt and brushing his thumb over one sensitive nipple.

Thaniel gave a slight gasp, then pushed Logan’s hand away and tried to sit up. The older man immediately pulled back, worried that he had gone too fast. He smiled in relief when Thaniel merely pulled the black t-shirt over his head, then lay back against the pillows and gazed shyly but expectantly at Logan.

Logan responded by gently teasing one nipple with his tongue and then lightly planting a series of butterfly kisses across the firm bare chest and down the flat stomach. He hooked one finger in Thaniel's waistband and raised his eyebrow inquiringly. As Thaniel obligingly lifted his butt, Logan slid his hands down, caressing the lean hips and muscular legs as he pushed the flannel sleep pants off and tossed them to one side.

"All right?"

"Logan!"

Logan almost laughed at the exasperated tone. "Just making sure," he said lightly before continuing the trail of kisses. He followed the fine arrow of hair leading to the soft thatch of curls, then brushed his beard over the soft, downy inner thighs, across the silky hair dusting his balls and over the rapidly hardening cock.

Thaniel shivered at the flood of erotic sensations. "God, Logan!" He reached out, then drew his hand back. "May-- may I touch you?" he asked hesitantly.

"You can do anything you want, sweetheart," Logan told him fervently as he wriggled out of his own pajama pants.

Thaniel reached out and touched Logan's cheek, then drew his head down for a deep, exploring kiss. Logan remained as passive as he could, almost not daring to breathe, lest he panic the younger man. Thaniel's touch, nervous and tentative at first, quickly grew bolder as he gained confidence and he soon knelt between the legs Logan spread for him. He traced the length of the heavy cock with one finger and gently cupped the balls beneath, then leaned down to take it in his mouth.

Logan’s body was alive as it hadn’t been for a long time, his blood racing, his breath coming in quick gasps. "Wait, Thaniel," he said thickly.

Thaniel stopped and sat back on his heels, looking at Logan in fond exasperation. "Boss, if you're going to ask if I'm all right, I swear--"

"I was just going to suggest condoms and lube," Logan said meekly, adroitly switching comments in midstream.

"Uh-huh," Thaniel replied with a cocky grin, not fooled in the slightest. He fumbled in the drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a bottle of scented gel and a strip of condoms and handed them to Logan.

"Are you sure?" Logan couldn't resist asking.

Nathaniel rolled onto his stomach and flexed his butt enticingly. His eyes, as he looked back over his shoulder danced with love and mischief. "If you think you're going to quit now--" he threatened laughingly.

Logan kissed his way down the smooth, straight back, palming the taut, firm buttocks, planting nips and kisses on each perfect sphere. He trailed a finger along the dark crevasse, touched a well-lubricated finger to the opening between his cheeks and gently eased it in.

The effect on Thaniel was immediate and catastrophic. With a strangled cry, he lunged forward, flinging himself toward the head of the bed, where he curled himself into a tight ball, moaning incoherently.

"Thaniel!" Appalled at the violent reaction, Logan reached for him, gently uncurling him and pulling him in a warm embrace. All passion was forgotten as the young man clutched at him fiercely, burying his head against the strong shoulder as wave after wave of uncontrollable shudders swept his body.

"Shh, it's all right, Thaniel. You're safe now," Logan murmured, stroking his head and back, careful to keep his hand well above Thaniel's waist. He hooked one foot in the blankets they had pushed to the end of the bed and dragged them over himself and the violently shaking young man. "Shh, it's all right. Nobody's going to hurt you, sweetheart. Nobody is ever going to hurt you again."

"I'm all right," he mumbled a surprisingly short while later. Peering up at Logan through tear-spiked lashes, he muttered, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act like such a baby."

"Shh, no, sweetheart." Logan pushed the blond head back down against his chest and continued stroking the damp hair. "It's too soon, that's all. It's just too soon."

"No, it isn't too soon," Nathaniel contradicted, pushing stubbornly against the restraining hand. "I'm all right now. It just caught me off-guard. I'm ready now."

"Thaniel, you don't seriously think we're going to continue this?" Logan asked in astonishment.

"But why not? I'm all right now, I swear." Nathaniel raised himself enough to look down at Logan earnestly. "I won't let it happen again. I promise."

"Thaniel, it isn't a question of whether you 'let' it happen or not. It's too much for you right now. We have time, sweetheart. We don't have to do this tonight."

"I do," Nathaniel stated simply before pleading, "Please, boss, I need this. Don't let them take this away from me, too."

Logan hesitated, unsure what the right course was. He was torn between his deep need to protect Thaniel and an equally overwhelming desire to give in to the other man's wishes, a desire that he was afraid was fueled by his own lust. In the end, he couldn't withstand the mute appeal in the young man's eyes.

"If you're sure," he said reluctantly.

"Uh huh," Nathaniel said with a wavering smile. Finding the lube where Logan had dropped it, he took matters into his own hands.

The erotic sight of Nathaniel preparing himself, of the well-oiled fingers sliding so provocatively in and out of the hidden opening, soon had Logan so hard he ached. With the clarity of his thoughts rapidly disintegrating, Logan’s clouded brain came up with a solution.

As Nathaniel finished, Logan handed him one of the condoms. "Do you want to put it on?" he asked.

"All right." With a quick, deep breath the only sign of his apprehension, Nathaniel expertly ripped it open, knelt between Logan's legs, popped it into his mouth and leaned forward.

"No, wait." Logan stopped him before that tantalizing mouth could touch the tip of his cock. "I meant put it on yourself," he gently explained.

Nathaniel stared at him, mouth agape, spitting out the condom in stunned surprise. "Me?" He blinked. "You- you want me to top?"

Logan pulled him down into a long, reassuring kiss before replying, "Yes, I do. If that's ok with you."

Thaniel's answering smile was brilliant, then quickly faded. "But-- I’ve never done it before," he confessed ashamedly.

"Never?" Logan asked in amazement, then mentally slapped himself for the thoughtless remark. "I'm sure you can figure it out," he teased gently as he slid one of the pillows under his butt and drew his legs up and apart invitingly.

Nathaniel didn't seem so sure but with a shiver of anticipation he placed a daub of gel against the small puckered opening and gently inserted first one finger, then two, sliding them in and out, preparing Logan as carefully and erotically as he had readied himself.

"Thaniel!" Logan finally protested through gritted teeth, feeling his balls tightening as the young man brushed his prostate yet again. "Now is NOT the time to be an over-achiever!"

"Sorry," Thaniel apologized, flashing a quick smile. "I just wanted to make sure there's enough lube."

"There is," Logan assured him.

Nathaniel still hesitated. "How do you--?"

"Like this," Logan read his mind with ease as he pulled him forward into another deep, reassuring kiss. "So I can see your face."

As Logan lifted his legs and placed them over the other man's shoulders, Nathaniel pressed his hips forward, just enough to push his cockhead inside the tight opening, then stopped as Logan grunted.

"It's all right," Logan anticipated his question. "It’s just been awhile. Go ahead."

"All right.If you're sure," Thaniel retained enough control to tease lightly. He pressed forward again, carefully, slowly, until he had fully penetrated the tight ring.

Logan watched the play of emotions over his lover's face, remembering his own first time as his muscles clenched and unclenched on the hard shaft, adjusting themselves to the welcome invader.

He could feel the intense concentration as Thaniel, breath coming in short, quick pants, fought not to come with his first experience of that hot, tight, velvety passage and the fleeting grin as he won the battle.

His own balls tightened as Thaniel thrust once, twice, then, "Oh, god, boss!" he groaned as he came.

Already close, that was all it took for Logan to come as well and they collapsed together in a sated heap. After a few minutes, Logan slipped out from under Thaniel and went to the bathroom, cleaning himself and then wetting a washcloth for Thaniel. By the time he came back to the guest bedroom, Thaniel had taken off the used condom and discarded it. Logan offered him the washcloth and they finished cleaning up, then lay entwined together, relaxed and satiated.

Hinx, who had been sitting and staring patiently at his food bowl for some time, stalked in and jumped up on the end of the bed. When his imperious meow received no reply, he padded up the supine bodies, wormed his way into a comfortable spot between them, settled down and closed his eyes. Soon, the quiet breathing of the sleeping men had a counterpart in the deep rumble of his contented purr.

~~~~~~~~~~

Nathaniel checked his paper one last time, decided it was the best he could do, attached the file and hit send. One more thing to cross off his list he thought with satisfaction, savoring the joys of multi-tasking. Logan currently had him researching Civil War monuments and he had managed to get both a history paper and an English essay out of the information.

He opened his new PDA, crossed the item off his list and read his math assignment, then looked at the clock. Too late to start it tonight, he decided. He hot-synched the PDA and left it on its cradle to charge, checked his bank account balance on-line just to enjoy the fact that he could, then shut down for the night. Shoving his headphones off, he laid them on the desk and kicked back in his chair, enjoying the quiet stillness of the loft as he stroked the cat that immediately jumped into his lap.

It was amazing how fast life could change, he mused. Two months ago he had been living in a tiny one-room apartment, struggling to stay alive as he strived for a dream that seemed more hopeless each day.

Now that dream was a reality, a reality that was even better than he had imagined it would be. He loved sharing the loft with Logan, loved his job and the opportunity to contribute in his own small way to the books he enjoyed so much. And Hinx, he thought affectionately, as the cat butted at his fingers, demanding attention.

He absently fondled the cat's ears as he continued his train of thought. Best of all, and something he hadn't imagined in his wildest fantasies, was Logan. What had he ever done to deserve Logan? The man was everything he had ever dreamed about and more: kind, considerate, and generous to a fault, not to mention a good boss and excellent in bed.

Not that he was a saint, far from it. He could be snappish at times and a downright grouch if his writing wasn't going well. But he never failed to treat Nathaniel with respect, something not many people had done before. Logan treated him like a real person, an important person, not an object to be used and tossed away after it had served its purpose. And Logan never, ever used him as a personal punching bag, either physically or verbally, no matter how angry he got.

It was a refreshing change. He was used to being treated more the way Todd had treated him. Todd. He just didn’t seem like the kind of guy Logan would go for. He didn’t know much about Todd but from the little exposure he had to the man, he wasn’t impressed, in spite of the high opinion Todd had of himself.

He frowned. As far as he knew, Logan hadn't ever called the man back so why did Todd keep calling? Did he want Logan back? Nathaniel's spirits fell at the thought. The Todds of the world had a way of getting what they wanted, whatever the cost to the people in their way, especially people like Nathaniel. Too bad, he vowed defiantly. Todd was going to be disappointed this time.

Still, if the other man was Logan's usual type, what did he see in Thaniel? How long could their relationship continue if Thaniel was so far from his ideal? Troubled now, his earlier buoyant mood dissipating rapidly, he stood up, Hinx in his arms.

"I'll just have to take it one day at a time," he told the burly tomcat. "And I have one advantage he doesn't. I have you on my side." Cheered by that thought, he went upstairs where he deposited the heavy cat on the end of the sleigh bed.

The upstairs loft was a large, open room; only its height and a three-foot railing separated it from the main room downstairs. It was furnished with the large sleigh bed and a matching bureau and dresser, the bed covered with a warmly colored comforter of burnt orange and olive green. Thaniel didn't really like it as well as his smaller room downstairs. To his mind, it lacked the intimate cozy feel of his former bedroom, but that feeling was more than offset by the warm intimate feeling he got when he curled up with Logan every night.

By the dim light of the nightlight Logan had installed for him, he quietly removed his t-shirt and slid his jeans and underwear off, tossing the t-shirt and underwear in the general vicinity of the hamper and laying his jeans over the armchair near the bed. The underwear fell short of the hamper and he sighed and padded over to drop them in before getting clean sleep pants and a t-shirt from his drawer and pulling them on.

"Good night, Hinx," he whispered to the cat as he slipped beneath the covers, moving as quietly as possible so he wouldn't disturb Logan. As he curled against the sleeping man's side, Logan's arms automatically encircled him protectively and the last of his fears and thoughts of Todd melted away in the warm embrace.

The phone woke him a few hours later, its shrill demands to be answered penetrating his dreams. "Logan! Phone!" he croaked, his voice thick with sleep. As it continued to ring, he cracked one eye enough to look at the clock and realized that Logan was probably in the shower. He put his pillow over his head with a groan, attempting to block out the raucous sound until the voicemail could pick up. It finally quit ringing and he sighed with relief and took the pillow from his head just in time to hear it start again.

Thoroughly annoyed now, he snatched up the cordless phone and pushed 'talk'. "What?!" he demanded irritably.

There was no response and Nathaniel valiantly resisted the urge to throw the phone across the room. "You called too late, Todd. He's already in the shower," Nathaniel bluntly informed the silent caller and was rewarded by a click and then a dial tone.

"Bastard," he muttered as he turned the phone off and dropped it on the floor beside the bed, flopped over on his stomach and closed his eyes.

"Why is the phone on the floor?" Logan asked a few minutes later as he came back upstairs clad only in a towel

"Because Todd called again," Nathaniel replied sleepily, putting his pillow back over his head.

"Did he leave a message?" When there was no response, Logan removed the pillow and repeated his question.

"No, he didn't say anything at all."

"Then how do you know it was Todd?" Logan asked reasonably as he took clean underwear from his drawer.

"Do you have any other ex-boyfriends that hang up whenever I answer the phone?" Nathaniel demanded.

"I'm sorry he woke you up," Logan said with a sigh. "I'll see what I can do about him."

Nathaniel gave up on sleep and turned over to enjoy watching Logan dress; if he was deprived of his dreams, at least he could enjoy the view. As Logan reached for his towel, however, Nathaniel bit his lip, then blurted, "Can I ask you a personal question, boss?"

"Of course you can." Logan, seeming to sense his uneasiness, came over and sat down on the edge of the bed, still clad only in his towel.

"Why did you break up with Todd?"

"Can't ask an easy one, huh?" Logan asked ruefully, then put his finger over Thaniel's lips before he could apologize.

"I met Todd through friends at work. We dated a few times and seemed to have a lot in common. He can be a very charming man when he wants to be."

Thaniel nodded; that confirmed his impression of Todd's act. He didn't know why nice guys like Logan always seemed to fall for it.

"After we had dated for a while, I started seeing a side of him I didn't like. He was often thoughtless or immature and he blamed other people instead of taking responsibility for his own actions. I don’t think he could say ‘I’m sorry’ if he tried."

"Did he ever live here?" Nathaniel asked curiously.

"No," Logan said, shaking his head. "We never reached the point where we lived together."

Logan rubbed his arms and Thaniel, seeing the goosebumps, lifted the blankets in invitation. Discarding the towel, Logan slipped under the blankets and pulled Thaniel close, allowing the younger man to warm him up as he sorted his thoughts.

"Anyway, it wasn’t working for me. I think Todd realized it was falling apart because I was frustrated with his irresponsibility. It caused enough arguments, that’s for sure."

"Did he try to change? To stay with you?"

Logan laughed softly. "Not exactly. That was the problem. He came up with his own solution. He wanted me to punish him."

"Punish? You mean like BDSM?"

"No, he wanted me to punish him for his 'bad' behavior, but not like that. He said he didn’t want to lose me, said he needed me to help him change. He said if I really cared about him, I’d do it." Logan paused thoughtfully. "I felt like I had to at least try. Looking back, I see how well he manipulated me."

"So you tried it?" Nathaniel asked, trying to picture Logan in that role.

"Yeah," Logan said. "But it did absolutely no good because Todd never intended to change. He seemed to think that accepting the punishment simply wiped out any other consequences, giving him a clean slate to do whatever he wanted."

Logan tightened his arms around Thaniel as he spoke. "Getting me to punish him was his way of paying his debt so he could run up the tab again. In short, he was looking for a daddy and I wasn't looking for a boy."

"I'd like to introduce him to my Daddy," Nathaniel said feelingly. "He would have learned to change his attitude real fast."

Logan tightened his arms around Thaniel without replying.

"You don't approve of daddy/boy relationships?" Nathaniel probed after a long pause.

Logan chose his words carefully, feeling as if he were picking his way through an emotional minefield.

"If it's an adult and a minor, no, I don't approve," he replied honestly. "No adult has the right to take advantage of a boy like that. It's selfish and manipulative and wrong. What they did to you was *wrong*, Thaniel, no matter how well they might have treated you." He tried to tone down his intensity as he continued.

"As long as they're both adults and there's no coercion involved, it's none of my business. If it's a consensual relationship between two mature adults and it's what they both want, it's totally up to them. I sincerely hope Todd finds a Daddy, someone he can have a mutually satisfying relationship with and who doesn't expect him to be a responsible partner. But it won't be me."

"Good." Nathaniel didn't bother to hide his satisfaction.

"Can I ask you a question now?" Logan queried.

"Sure," Nathaniel replied doubtfully.

"I'm naked and we're in bed together. Why are we talking about Todd instead of making love?"

"Um... because you're supposed to be getting ready for work?"

"I am working," Logan informed him, one hand busily untucking Thaniel's shirt. "I'm doing research."

"Oh. Then, as your research assistant, I should be assisting, right?" Nathaniel asked with a mischievous grin.

"Give that man a raise," Logan approved the idea.

"I'm already getting one," Nathaniel said with a sly wink that made Logan groan.

Before he could reply, the phone rang again. Nathaniel groaned and put his pillow back over his head as the other man answered it.

A minute later, Logan pulled the pillow off and kissed the back of his neck. "I'm going to take this downstairs. Go back to sleep and I'll see you in a couple hours, ok?"

"Mmm, ok." Nathaniel feigned drowsiness but his mind raced. Why was Logan taking the conversation with Todd downstairs? How could it take so long to say 'Piss off, I don't want you anymore?' What if Todd was manipulating him again? He almost got up and marched downstairs to confront the situation but reluctantly decided that it wasn't his decision. He'd just have to roll with whatever Logan decided to do.

His sleep was restless, though, and he was downstairs making lunch when Logan came out of the workroom. "What did Todd have to say?" he asked in a carefully casual tone.

"Hmm, what?" Logan's mind was obviously still enmeshed in his work. "Oh, the phone call. That wasn't Todd, it was my mother. She and Dad are coming here for Thanksgiving."

tbc