CHAPTER 6

"Thaniel, I'm leaving," Logan called as he came down the stairs from his bedroom.

Nathaniel came out of the workroom as Logan opened the closet door to get his winter jacket. "You look nice," he approved, eyeing the turtleneck that Logan wore with black jeans. The soft cashmere looked both casual and elegant and the tan heather was a nice contrast against Logan’s dark hair and closely-trimmed beard.

"Thanks," Logan said, turning from the closet empty-handed. "Are you sure you don't want to come along? They won't mind."

"I'll be *fine*, Logan," Nathaniel told him for what seemed like the twentieth time. "I have a book, a TV and a laptop to entertain me and an English essay to work on. There's food in the cupboard and leftovers to microwave and I have a credit card and a debit card in case I can't figure out the microwave and have to go out to eat - which I'm not going to do," he added, raising his hand to forestall the inevitable comment from his mother hen.

"Seriously, Logan, I'll be fine. Go out and enjoy the evening with your friends. You should spend more time with them; you don't get out enough. And wear your coat, it's supposed to be cold tonight."

"Fine, I get the message," Logan said, laughing at the attempted role reversal. He found his coat hiding behind another jacket and put it on. "Have a good evening, Thaniel."

"Have a good evening, boss," he said, holding the door open.

"And don't go out alone, all right?" Logan got the last word in just before the door closed behind him.

Nathaniel laughed and shook his head as he walked into the kitchen. Only Logan would worry about him being out alone at night. Not that he wanted to be, he thought as he opened the cupboard and got out a glass. He had only done it once or twice since the night he had been beaten and raped and he was surprised at how nervous he had been, constantly looking over his shoulder and jumping at shadows.

It was strange. There wasn't much the bastard and his friends had done that he hadn't experienced as part of the job. It was their attitudes, he thought, shuddering at the memory, it was the malice and cold-bloodedness of it all, not to mention the brutality.

As bad as the incident had been, there was still a silver lining. He took his wallet from the counter and pulled his new ID out of it, leaning against the bar and holding the tiny plastic card in his hands. He admired the formality of it, the normalcy of it, with the state seal embossed on the front in a holographic image. He was a bona fide adult with a real job. He smiled at his picture grinning at him from the glossy front of the new ID. Yes, things were definitely better than they had been.

He straightened up and slipped the ID back into the wallet, his mind turning to Logan again. Another good outcome from a bad situation. He loved living in the loft with Logan and Hinx, loved the new job. He couldn’t help another smile as he poured himself a glass of milk. Lost in thought, he stepped backwards without looking as he started to put the carton back in the refrigerator.

There was an anguished yowl and Nathaniel jumped violently, dropping the glass and the carton in the process. "Hinx!" he cried, ignoring both the shattering glass and the cascade of milk across the floor. "I'm so sorry! I didn't see you. Are you all right?"

He knelt and tried to pick the feline up but Hinx hissed at him and backed away, holding one forepaw in the air pathetically.

"Hinx, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to step on you. Let me see it," Nathaniel coaxed. After several minutes of cajoling and bribery, the cat finally let the man pick him up and inspect the injured paw. "It looks ok," Nathaniel said in relief, glad that he hadn't been wearing shoes as he put the cat back down. "I don't think there's any permanent damage."

Hinx held the paw up and mewed piteously, obviously in utter disagreement.

"Come on, Hinx. I said I was sorry."

The cat mewed again and ostentatiously limped over to his food dish.

"You already ate this evening," Nathaniel objected, then caved at the accusing look he received. "Tell you what. Let me get this mess cleaned up and then we'll split a pizza, all right? Just don't tell Logan I'm giving you table food again."

Hinx sniffed at the puddle of milk on the floor and then started lapping daintily, which Nathaniel took as a sign of agreement. By the time he had finished cleaning up the glass, sopping up the milk and mopping the floor, he was wearing a fair portion of it himself and his bare feet were uncomfortably sticky.

He ordered the pizza and then went to look for clean clothes himself, followed by a still limping Hinx. All of his new shirts seemed to be in the hamper so he tossed them in the washer along with the one he was wearing and his milky sweats before going to take a quick shower.

He was in his bedroom, wearing only a towel when he heard a thunderous knocking on the door. "Coming," he shouted as he grabbed the last t-shirt and pair of sweats out of his drawer and tugged the pants on. They were old and well-worn and they immediately slid down to lovingly hug the curve of his butt. Pulling the cropped, sleeveless t-shirt over his head and hitching up his pants as he went down the hall, he opened the door to the pizza delivery guy.

"Large, half deluxe, half ham-and-pineapple, all extra cheese?" the man asked indifferently.

"Yeah, that's it," Nathaniel said as he took the box, paid the man and closed the door. He lifted the lid and inhaled deeply, then called, "Pizza's here, Hinx!"

He settled into the big leather recliner with the pizza on his lap and a Coke on the table next to him. Picking up the remote, he flipped through the channels on the TV until he found one showing repeats of police dramas all evening. That ought to double as both research and pleasure, he reasoned, since Logan's protagonist was a police detective. Hinx jumped up on the arm of the chair and Nathaniel fed him bites of sausage, ham, pepperoni and cheese as they watched together.

Midway through the first show there was a knock on the door and Nathaniel sighed at the interruption as he set his Coke and pizza to one side and went to answer it. "Don't eat the pizza while I'm gone," he ordered the cat.

He opened the door to find an elegantly dressed, dark-haired man wearing a slightly bemused expression and a clothing ensemble distinctly lacking in color. Probably a vampire, Nathaniel decided as he eyed the unrelieved black, distinctly unimpressed. He did a complete head-to-toe survey and formed an immediate impression: spoiled rich kid, selfish, arrogant, and egotistical, sure that the world owed him - and the world probably had a distressing tendency to pay up on a regular basis. He sucked up to the people he thought had power and disdained or bullied the ones who didn't.

The curl of his lip as he surveyed Nathaniel from damp hair to bare toes clearly put Nathaniel in the latter category and the instant antipathy was mutual.

Too bad, Nathaniel thought rebelliously. He might not be up to Mr. Sensational's standards but he wasn't powerless anymore and he wasn't going to put up with it.

"Can I help you?" he asked frostily.

"I seriously doubt it," the man replied in an equally frosty voice. "I was looking for Logan Bradley but he clearly doesn't live here anymore."

"He lives here but he isn't home right now," Nathaniel informed him as the man started to leave.

"Really?" The man turned back and raised an eyebrow in astonishment.

He didn't do it nearly as well as Logan did, Nathaniel thought critically. "If you'll give me your name, I'll tell him you stopped by," he added politely.

"Todd Witherspoon. I'm sure Logan has mentioned me," he replied in a tone that invited - no, demanded - admiring recognition.

"No, sorry," Nathaniel said after a long moment of consideration, "not that I remember, anyway. Would you like to leave a message for him?"

"Tell him-- No, I'll come in and wait," Todd decided abruptly.

"Suit yourself," Nathaniel said with a shrug. "But he might be late." He stepped back and allowed Todd to enter, then closed the door and led the way into the living area, not bothering to hitch up the pants that threatened to slide off his butt at any moment. Todd obviously expected a mindless boy toy and Nathaniel could do tramp with the best of them.

"Is he out on a date?"

"No," Nathaniel replied as he went into the kitchen and got another Coke for himself, "just out with some old friends."

"Who? Maybe I know them from our time together." He gazed around the room appraisingly as he spoke.

"Sorry, didn't catch their names," Nathaniel replied. He tipped his head back and took a long swallow of the Coke, then looked at Todd. "I'm sorry. Where are my manners? Would you like something to drink?"

"A Raspberri Tonic, please. If Logan still keeps Absolut vodka for me."

"Not anymore. We have milk, water, Coke, juice or beer."

"A beer, then." Todd's sigh expressed his disdain for such a plebian choice. "Are you staying with Logan for a while?"

Nathaniel sauntered back to the recliner, handing Todd a bottle of cold beer on his way. Hinx was no longer sitting on the arm of the chair and Nathaniel was pretty sure there was one less piece of pizza in the box. "I live with Logan," he obliquely answered Todd's question.

"Really?" Todd expressed polite disbelief as he followed and took a seat on the couch. "Have you been together long?"

"I moved in a couple months ago but we're old friends. You said you're a former boyfriend?" He placed careful emphasis on the 'former'.

Before their verbal sparring could go any farther, Hinx returned to the room, delicately licking his lips.

"Minx!" Todd greeted the new subject with transparent relief.

"Careful," Nathaniel warned. "He doesn't like strangers."

"Oh, Minx and I are old friends," Todd replied airily, reaching for the cat sniffing at his shoes. "We go way ba-FUCK!" His hand had barely touched fur when he jerked it back, blood welling from the deep furrows Hinx had raked into it.

The cat snorted his displeasure and stalked over to the recliner, where he leaped onto Nathaniel's lap and began cleaning the contaminated fur.

Nathaniel struggled not to laugh as Todd stood up, tenderly cradling his bleeding hand. "There are paper towels on the island," he said helpfully. "I can't really get up right now."

"Never mind. I'll see myself out," Todd snapped. "Tell Logan to call me. He still has my number."

"Have a good night," Nathaniel called cheerfully as the door slammed. "What the hell did Logan see in that prick?" he asked the cat on his lap. Hinx paused in his industrious cleaning to lick Nathaniel's hand, as if in agreement.

"Nathaniel, I'm home," Logan called as he entered the loft. There was no answer so he went down the short hallway to check the workroom. He paused in the doorway, his eyes softening as he watched Nathaniel at work. The young man was dressed for bed in a long-sleeved tee and sleep pants, his feet clad in socks as a concession to the chilly hardwood floors and his blond hair capped by a set of over-sized headphones.

His fingers tapped rapidly as he scanned the screen, flipping quickly from window to window as he simultaneously worked on an essay for school, checked his email, played an online game and researched an obscure bit of Victorian trivia. As Logan watched, he shoved a disgruntled Hinx off his notebook and ran his finger down the list of questions Logan had given him earlier.

The headphones had been an excellent investment, the older man thought. He and Thaniel agreed on their dislike of country and rap and both liked jazz and blues. However, Logan's opinion of punk matched Thaniel's of opera, a genre the younger man had once compared to a bitchfight in the alley outside his apartment. The sound-blocking headphones not only protected Logan's ears, they shut out all sound in the loft as well, so Thaniel could listen to his music in peace.

He flipped the light switch several times and Thaniel hit pause, pushed the headphones down around his neck and looked around inquiringly. "Hi, boss. Did you have a good evening?"

"Yes, I did. How was yours?" Logan asked.

"Great. I ordered a pizza - delivered - and watched TV for a while, then came in here to work.

"Sounds like a good evening."

"It was. Oh, a friend of yours stopped by - Todd, I think he said. He was going to wait for you but he and Hinx had a disagreement and he left. He wants you to call him."

"He and Hinx never did get along," Logan said with a grimace, wondering why Todd was coming back into his life now. Typical of the man, though. Never wonder if he was welcome or it was convenient, just assume that everyone else was going to arrange their lives around his. It was one of the reasons they had broken up. "I'm going to bed now," he told Nathaniel. "I want to go over some ideas with you in the morning so don't stay up too late, all right? We'll go out for breakfast."

"Ok, boss." Nathaniel reached for the small alarm clock on the shelf over the desk. "See you in the morning."

"Sleep well," he said, pausing in the doorway. "You coming, Hinx?"

As the cat jumped to the floor and paced out the door, Nathaniel slid the headphones back over his ears and began typing rapidly once more.

Logan couldn't help comparing the two men as he got ready for bed - Todd, who had been given everything, yet incessantly demanded more, and Nathaniel, who had so little yet expected no compensation from life.

Todd had been good company at first and Logan had considered a long-term relationship with him. Thank God he had seen through Todd's tiresome demands before he wasted too much time with him. He couldn't possibly be a greater contrast to Nathaniel.

Logan accepted the fact that he was falling in love with Thaniel. He knew that he could happily spend the rest of his life with the younger man, never tiring of him or his company. They would never run out of conversation, of worlds to explore together, just as he would never tire of watching Thaniel; the way he moved, the slant of his hips when he walked, the way he tossed his hair out of his eyes, the way he chewed his bottom lip when he was concentrating.

He sighed knowing that Nathaniel was far from ready for such a commitment. He needed time, time to come to terms with himself, to find out who he was and what he could become. Time to learn about the world around him and find his place in it.

But it wasn't only the companionship that Logan wanted. He wanted Thaniel, had wanted him since their first meeting together. Sometimes he ached with desire for the young man. At least he didn't have to worry about his water heater wearing out, he thought wryly. The number of cold showers he was taking rose every day.

He couldn't let Thaniel know that, though. He didn't want to scare him off or have him think Logan was like all the other men he had ever known. He had to be careful with even casual gestures of affection. Thaniel had a distressing tendency to flinch at physical contact.

"He reminds me of you when I first got you," Logan told the cat curled up on his pillow. "Starved for affection but wary of accepting it. Never sure if my hand was raised to pet you or hit you. You came around, though, and he will, too." Time enough then to talk about love, Logan thought as he drifted into sleep.

He was awakened several hours later by a heavy weight on his chest, a weight that pawed at his face and bit his chin.

"Ouch! Hinx!" he exclaimed, pushing the cat off his chest and glancing at the clock. "It's the middle of the night!"

The cat leaped to the floor and started down the stairs, then came back to mew urgently at Logan.

"All right, I'm coming." He stumbled out of bed and down the stairs, wearing only a pair of flannel sleep pants, too worried that something had happened to Thaniel to bother with a shirt or robe. He could hear the young man even before he got to the bedroom door.

"No! Don't! Please! I'll be good! I promise!"

He snapped on the overhead light and approached the bed, reaching out to the young man wildly thrashing about

"Thaniel, wake up." He gently shook Thaniel's shoulder. "It's all right. You're just having a nightmare. Wake up for me now, all right?"

Nathaniel recoiled violently, almost falling out of bed in his terrified attempt to escape Logan's touch. His eyes were open now but there was no recognition in them and Logan experienced an almost overwhelming desire to hunt down and kill whoever had done this to him.

"It's all right, Thaniel." Logan was careful not to touch him again, relying only on his voice to soothe the young man. "You're safe now. It was just a bad dream. You're all right now."

"Logan?" Nathaniel finally asked uncertainly, blinking against the light. He frowned in confusion. "What's going on?"

"You were having a nightmare," Logan explained as he cautiously sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Oh. I'm sorry I woke you up," Nathaniel apologized, pushing his damp hair away from his face self-consciously.

"You didn't wake me up, Hinx did," Logan brushed away the apology and mirrored the gesture, running his hand through his own dark hair.

Nathaniel gave a short involuntary laugh and Logan smiled at the sound. "Bed head?" he asked in amusement, placidly smoothing his hair.

Nathaniel nodded as Hinx pushed his way onto the young man's lap protectively. "You shouldn't have woken Logan up," he scolded the cat even as he cuddled him. "He gets up early, you know. He needs his rest."

As he continued to lovingly chastise the cat, Logan went and got a fresh bottle of water and brought it back. "How long have you been having these nightmares?" he asked as Nathaniel uncapped it and drank thirstily.

"Awhile," Nathaniel replied evasively.

"Since the attack?" Logan guessed.

"Yeah, off and on. It's really no big deal."

"How often is off and on?" Logan persisted, ignoring the dismissive tone.

Nathaniel shrugged. "I don't know, a couple times a week maybe? It's no big deal, boss. The ER doctor said it's normal."

"Did they give you a referral for counseling?" Logan remembered seeing the list of services covered by the rape victims fund but he couldn't remember whether therapy was included or not.

Nathaniel shrugged again. "Yeah, but I threw the card away. I'm NOT going to go talk to some stranger about my past, Logan. Forget it."

He was wearing his best mulish look and Logan knew this wasn't an appropriate time to push the issue. Nevertheless, he made a mental note to call and get the name again.

"You can go back to bed if you want to," Nathaniel suggested. "I'll be fine now. I usually just read until I go back to sleep."

"Would you like me to stay with you for a while?"

"I'm not a little kid, Logan," he replied in an exasperated tone.

"I know that." God, did he know that, Logan thought wryly. He hesitated and then added, "I went through a period when I had a lot of nightmares. Having someone around after one helped."

"Oh, ok," Nathaniel accepted shyly, touched by the explanation. "Company would be nice, if you really don't mind."

Logan went and got his book and then sat in the chair, propping his feet on the bed. Nathaniel lay on his side to read and Hinx curled up on the bed between them.

It was quiet and comfortable, just the two of them. Well, the three of them, Logan thought as he listened to the heavy purring. He found himself frequently looking up from his book to check on Thaniel. The young man’s brow furrowed then relaxed, furrowed again at whatever dialogue or action was playing out in his mind, fueled by words on the page. Logan smiled as the bottom lip slipped between Thaniel’s teeth, then shook his head and tried to focus on the book in his own hands.

The next time he looked up, Nathaniel was asleep. He gently removed the young man's book from his grasp and pulled the blankets up over his shoulders, then went and got the small nightlight out of the bathroom and plugged it in. Nightmares were always harder to face in the dark.

He started to leave, then hesitated. He knew he should go back upstairs. He also knew that he would lie awake and worry about Thaniel if he did.

Thaniel lay curled at the edge of the bed, his breathing soft and even, and after watching him a little longer, Logan turned off the overhead light and went around to the other side. He would be awake long before Thaniel, he assured himself as he slid under the covers. The young man would never know he had been there.